


Photographs and Memories

by caseymac42



Category: Emergency!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6441340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caseymac42/pseuds/caseymac42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After not feeling well for a few weeks, Johnny decides to finally see a doctor. After receiving a terminal diagnosis, Johnny and his friends share memories of a life that is ending way too soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Photographs and Memories

 

 

Author’s notes: 

The story takes place during the early 1980's.

 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The men of Station 51 had finished their morning chores and were now all   
sitting around talking and enjoying a cup of coffee. The conversation   
encompassed many subjects. Chet Kelly saw an opening…and took   
it.

“What is this, almost April? You know what I find amazing, is Gage is going   
on five months without a scratch…not even a cough.”

Johnny smiled wanly, he knew that wasn’t really true…the last couple of   
weeks he’d been feeling tired and a little run down with some headaches…but   
he had kept that to himself. Roy hadn’t even said anything to him, so he was in   
the clear…or so he thought.

Not really feeling well, Johnny wasn’t in his usual kidding around   
mood when he replied, “Jealous Chet…that I can stay out of trouble and you   
can’t?”

Being curious, Chet asked, “What are we talking about here Gage?"

“Just what I said, Chet. I’M not the one who broke my arm falling off the   
ladder planting a water bomb…I’M not the one who sprained an ankle jumping down from the Engine… and I’M certainly not the one who’s had   
latrine duty for the last two months.”

When Johnny mentioned latrine duty, everyone laughed at that…except Chet.

“He’s got you there, Chet.”

Looking at his friend, Kelly asked, “Whose side are you on Marco?”

Before Marco could respond, the alarms sounded, calling the Squad into   
service and putting an end to the discussion.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Returning to the station from yet another run, it was now three in the   
afternoon. Roy and Johnny had been on a series of back-to-back calls since   
late morning. The engine was out, but the guys had left lunch for them in the   
fridge. Sitting right down at the table, with his elbow on the table and his head resting on his hand, and staring off into space was Johnny, while Roy got out the food and   
glasses for drinks. 

“What do you want to drink, Johnny?”

After receiving no answer, Roy went over to Johnny and snapped his fingers. “Wake up Junior.”

Johnny was clearly startled, as he replied. “Oh, I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“Drink…what do you want to drink?”

Johnny thought for a moment before answering. “Uh…iced tea’s fine.”

Roy grabbed the pitcher of iced tea from the fridge and joined his partner   
at the table.

“What’s wrong with you Johnny? You’ve been zoning out on me all day.”

John looked wearily at his friend, as he softly answered, “I…I really don’t   
know.”

Puzzled, and a little concerned, Roy asked, “You don’t know…what do you mean,   
you don’t know?”

Placing his arms on the table and leaning forward, Johnny sighed softly. “I mean, I   
don’t really feel bad or anything. I guess I’m just tired…look, forget about  
it…I’ll be okay.”

Johnny wanted to drop the subject, but as they finished eating their egg   
salad sandwiches, Roy was eyeing his partner suspiciously.

Realizing that Roy was watching him, Johnny sighed loudly. “You can stop watching me   
Roy. I told you, I’m fine.”

Getting up and going over to the sink, they quickly did their dishes and   
were sitting on the couch watching TV when the engine returned. When the   
guys walked into the kitchen, they all noticed Johnny.

“Tough runs?”

Wondering what his friend was talking about, Roy asked, “What do you mean   
Mike?”

“He’s talking about your partner…sleepin’ beauty over there,” Chet said,   
nodding in Johnny’s direction.

Roy turned to see his partner, sleeping soundly next to him.

“Oh, I didn’t even realize that he had fallen asleep…I guess he’s just   
tired. We’ve been going non-stop all day.”

Trying not to bother Johnny, the guys quietly grabbed some coffee. As   
Captain Stanley came into the kitchen, he also noticed his junior paramedic   
asleep on the couch.

“Is he alright?” Hank softly asked.

Shrugging his shoulders, Roy replied, “Says he is Cap.”

“Meaning what?”

Before Roy was able to answer, the alarm sounded and the engine was called away to   
a trash fire. Being startled awake, Johnny jumped up, thinking they had a   
call.

Catching his partner by the arm, Roy shook his head. “Johnny…that’s not for us, just   
the engine.”

The junior medic sat back down, and rubbed his eyes, but didn’t say anything.

“What’s wrong Johnny?”

Johnny was starting to get annoyed with his partner’s nagging questions.

“You sound like a broken record, for God’s sakes. I said I was okay. I’m  
just a little tired.”

“You fell asleep.”

Johnny was surprised. “I did? I only closed my eyes for a  
minute.”

Shaking his head no, Roy said, “Try 30 minutes partner.”

Again sighing loudly, Johnny got up from the couch and headed out of the room.

“Where ya going?”

Johnny’s level of annoyance was growing as he answered. “The bathroom. Is that  
alright with you?”

Roy said nothing…he just watched as his partner left the room. Johnny  
went into the locker room to splash some cold water on his face, but being gone  
longer than his friend thought he should be, Roy went to check on him.

Seeing Roy come in, Johnny immediately got annoyed. “Jeez, can’t a guy have some privacy?”

“Johnny…”

Turning to look at his friend, Johnny asked, “Are you gonna follow me around  
like a guard dog for the rest of the shift?”

“I’m…what’s going on with you Johnny?”

“Nothing. I told you, I’m fine.”

“But…”

Johnny was getting exasperated as he stopped his friend.

“Look, I’m not sick…I’m not nauseous or dizzy…and I don’t have any aches or  
pains.”

Of course, he wasn’t telling the whole truth. He was starting to get a bad  
headache as he spoke.

**Well, no pains except for the one I’m getting in my head**

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I DON’T have a problem, Roy. Apparently, YOU’RE the one with the  
problem.”

“You’re not making any sense, Johnny. Something’s obviously wrong. You’ve  
been zoning out on me all day long…you’ve been lethargic, and you just fell  
asleep for half an hour when you thought it was only for a minute.”

Wanting to get this conversation over with, Johnny tried to end it quickly. “Look, the shift is over in the morning. I’ll go home and go to  
sleep for a few hours, and then I’ll be as good as new.”

He looked at Roy and rolled his eyes, knowing what Roy was about to say.

“Don’t say a word Roy…don’t say it.”

“Johnny, I’m worried about you. There, I said it.”

John continued to look at his best friend for a few more moments, before walking out of the room. Moments later the alarms sounded.

“Squad 51, respond with Engine 46…man trapped, 1587 Canyon Road…1-5-8-7  
Canyon Road…timeout 1650.”

Grabbing the mike, Johnny responded. “Squad 51 responding, KMG365.”

When they arrived on scene, they were met by Station 46’s Captain Marsh. He  
pointed to a tower.

“He’s up there fellas. He was going to jump, but changed his mind…now, he’s  
too scared to come down.”

Roy asked the Captain what the young man’s name and age was.

“It’s Steve and he’s in his early twenties. One of his buddies over there  
called for help.”

Roy looked up at the tower. “How long has he been up there?”

“About an hour,” came the captain’s reply.

Roy glanced at his partner. “Let’s go Johnny.”

They got their equipment and started the high climb up. When they got the  
man down, he was taken away in a police car. While they were putting away  
their gear, Roy noticed Johnny breathing a bit more heavily than usual, and also starting to  
perspire.

“You alright Johnny?”

Johnny didn’t want to have this conversation again. Because they were in  
public he kept his tone civil.

“I’m fine Roy.”

He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and paused for a moment  
before he spoke again.

“Are you going to overanalyze everything I do?”

John got into the squad and closed the door.

Captain Marsh turned to Roy, after accidentally overhearing part of their  
conversation.

“Everything okay, Roy?”

“Yeah…I guess. Thanks for the help Cap.”

Getting into the squad, Roy turned to his partner, addressing Johnny in a  
serious tone.

“I’m really worried about you, Johnny.”

“Look, if you promise to stop badgering me…I’ll promise to see a doctor if I  
still feel tired.”

“When?” Roy continued.

“Roy…no more…please. Can we just go back to the station?”

Roy put the key in the ignition and started the squad, but before he put the  
gear into drive, he took another look at Johnny, who looked away. They  
rode back to the station in silence. When they arrived back to the station,  
it was 5:30, and as Johnny got out and made his way out back, Roy went into  
the kitchen where Mike Stoker was preparing dinner.

“Hey Roy. Dinner’ll be ready soon,” the engineer informed his friend.

“Thanks Mike.”

Captain Stanley came out of his office and went to the kitchen, noticing  
that all of his crew was there, except for his younger paramedic.

“Where’s John?”

“Out back, I guess.”

Chet responded before Captain Stanley could say anything.

“Gage must be in one of his moods.”

“That’s not nice Chet,” Marco replied.

Defending his friend, Roy sighed softly. “Actually Marco, he’s not too far off the  
Mark. Johnny’s been in a funk all day. I tried to talk to him, but he keeps  
telling me that I worry too much. I guess I’ll just give him some space…see  
what happens.”

“You don’t think it’s anything serious, do you Roy?”

“I don’t know Cap. That’s the thing, he won’t talk about it.”

Meanwhile, Johnny had fallen asleep while sitting on the hood of his Rover,  
his head resting on the windshield. Chet had been in the process of setting the  
table, when Mickey McGraw, a firefighter from C-Shift stopped by the Station.

“Hey guys.”

They all greeted him, as Mike asked, “What brings you by at this hour?”

Mickey smiled as he answered. “I left something in my locker, Mike. Oh, by the way,  
Roy…what’s your partner doing asleep on his car?”

Roy just looked at Mickey. “He’s kind of having a bad day.”

After dinner the guys played some cards…everyone but Johnny. He claimed he  
was too tired and not in the mood so he spent most of the evening on the  
couch looking at the newspaper, but unable to concentrate enough to actually  
read it.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
After a light night with runs, the guys were all in the locker room changing  
to go home, the next morning.

“See everyone in two days,” said Johnny.

Roy looked at his partner. “Remember what you promised.”

Johnny looked back at Roy, annoyed and raising his voice. “Will you  
get off my back!”

He slammed his locker door shut and stormed out of the room. Chet was more  
than a little concerned.

“Something’s going on. I don’t remember ever seeing Johnny like THAT before.”

“What are you going to do, Roy?”

“What CAN I do, Marco? I’ll see you guys later.”

Heading home and going into his apartment, Johnny surveyed the disaster area  
that it had become as he dropped his duffel bag on the floor and sat in the  
recliner for a rest, before he started to tackle the cleaning.

As the phone started to ring, it took several times before Johnny realized  
it was the phone and answered it.

“Hello?” he answered, still groggy from having been asleep.

Hearing his partner’s voice, Roy was immediately concerned.

“You alright Johnny? You sound terrible.”

“I’m fine Roy, I fell asleep. What time is it?”

“6:30 PM.”

“6:30? I blew the whole day.”

Hearing Johnny’s surprise at finding out what the time was, concerned Roy a bit, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“Well, how about if I come over and pick you up…we’ll go out for a bite  
to eat?”

“Thanks Roy, but I’m not really in the mood.” He paused for a second.  
“I’m...I’m sorry about exploding on you this morning in the locker room. I  
don’t really know what got into me. I’ll see ya at work in a couple days.”

Roy was disappointed. “Okay partner, I’ll see ya at work.”

After getting off the phone, Roy thought to himself. **I know what got into  
you…you’re sick or something’s really weighing heavily on your mind**

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Two days later and after dinner, Captain Stanley was in his office while  
Chet, Mike, and Marco were out back shooting some hoops. Back inside,  
Johnny was drinking a cup of hot cocoa at the table while Roy was at the  
sink washing the dishes.

“Johnny, you gonna dry?”

After receiving no answer, he called his partner, again.

“Junior…hey…Johnny, you gonna dry?”

John, who was in deep thought, heard Roy’s second try at getting his  
attention. “I’m sorry. Yeah…yeah, I’ll dry.”

Getting up, he went over to the sink to dry the dishes. The rest of the  
crew came back inside and started watching television. Roy eyed Johnny  
suspiciously, still convinced there was something wrong with his partner.

“You alright?”

“Yeah…I’m fine,” Johnny replied with an ever so slight hesitation.

“What are your plans for our two days off?”

John was only half-listening to his partner as he replied, “Uh…I…I don’t  
know. Why do you ask?”

“Well, it’s Joanne’s birthday and we’re having a special birthday dinner for  
her on Saturday night…just me and the kids. How about joining us?”

“Uh…yeah…sure. What time?”

“5:30…at the house.”

Johnny smiled, and nodded his head. “I’ll be there, partner.”

The two paramedics finished the dishes and made their way over to their  
friends.

“What are you guys watching Marco?” Roy asked.

“The Lakers game…they’re playing the New York Knicks.”

“Johnny, you wanna watch the game?” Roy asked his partner.

“Nah, I’m not really in a TV-watching mood. You watch Roy, I’m going to go  
outside for some fresh air.”

“Okay.”

Roy acknowledged his partner and watched as he left the room. Johnny went  
out back and assumed the familiar position of lounging on the hood of his  
Rover. Fifteen minutes later, the alarms went off, calling the engine to a  
fire. After the engine left, Roy went out back to see what his partner was  
up to.

“Hey Johnny.”

Johnny opened his eyes when he heard his name. “What brings you out here?”

“You do partner. The engine left, I figured I’d see what you were up to.”

As John sat up, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I heard  
them leave. Boy, I could use a good massage…I’m getting really stiff.”

“You okay?”

Johnny looked at his best friend and rolled his eyes. “Don’t start  
Roy, I’m not in the mood.”

The alarms went off a few minutes later, sending the squad on a run.

“Squad 51, respond with Engine 36, man down…Harbor Road, cross street  
Wainwright Avenue…Harbor Road, cross street Wainwright…timeout 1905.”

The two paramedics ran inside, Roy responding on the mike. “Ten-four, Squad 51  
responding, KMG365.”

After they arrived on scene, they were met by Captain Stevens.

“Witnesses say a bicyclist lost control and went down the side of the cliff.  
He’s about 150 yards down.”

“Come on partner, let’s get our gear.”

While the two paramedics were getting their gear out of the squad, Captain  
Stevens continued to update them on the situation.

“I don’t think he’s conscious, we’ve tried contacting him on the  
microphone…he hasn’t responded or moved.”

Roy and John repelled down to the victim and minutes later their equipment  
was sent down in a stokes. After examining their victim and contacting  
Rampart, they got him collared, splinted, and on a backboard. When they  
returned back to the top, Roy noticed Johnny again breathing heavily, but decided not  
to say anything about it…for fear of starting another argument.

“Johnny, you want to go in or drive?”

“I’ll…I’ll go in the ambulance.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you at Rampart.”

Their victim was loaded into the waiting ambulance and Johnny climbed in  
with him.

At the hospital, after helping out in the treatment room, Johnny decided to wait for his  
partner in the lounge. Getting comfortable on the couch, he started to doze  
off.

“Hey, Dix,” Roy greeted.

“Well, hello there.” The nurse smiled at Roy. She always enjoyed seeing  
him and Johnny.

“Have you seen Johnny?”

“No, but I just got back to the desk. Try the lounge.”

Roy went to the lounge to find his partner. Seeing him on the couch, he  
called Johnny’s name. “Johnny…”

When he received no answer, he went over to him and gently tapped him on the  
shoulder. Startled, Johnny jumped.

“Easy Junior…didn’t mean to scare ya. You alright?”

Rubbing his eyes, John replied, “Yeah…fine. I’m beat that’s all. Let’s go  
back to the station.”

They grabbed their supplies and walked back to the squad. Once inside,  
Johnny rolled down his window part way.

Roy started to think back over the last few weeks and sensed a pattern to  
Johnny’s behavior.

“What’s up, Johnny?”

Johnny shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing, I’m just tired. I  
figured the air would keep me awake.”

They rode back to the station in silence. When they got back, Johnny looked  
at his watch.

“9:30…I’m gonna head to bed. I’ll see ya later Roy.”

Roy nodded at his partner. “Okay Johnny…sweet dreams.”

Johnny headed to the dorm and laid down on his bed, still in uniform, too  
tired to undress.

“Roy, where’s Johnny?” The engineer asked.

“In bed, Mike.”

“Gage is in bed at 9:30?” Chet replied incredulously.

Chet was really surprised. Usually, he and Johnny were the last ones in for  
the night…although, that hadn’t been the case for at least the last month or so.

“Chet, lay off.” Marco didn’t want Chet starting on Johnny when he wasn’t  
around to defend himself.

Sometime in the middle of the night, John had gotten up to get a drink of  
water, and while he was up, got out of his uniform, and got his turnouts  
set up next to his bed.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Friday morning arrived, marking the end of another shift. The wake up alarms  
sounded, signaling one hour left of the shift. Everyone got up and headed to  
the kitchen…Chet started the coffee brewing.

“Hey Roy, where’s Johnny?”

Roy turned around and found his partner wasn’t there.

“I don’t know, Cap. I thought he was right behind me. I’ll go check.”

When Roy checked the dorm, he saw his partner sitting on his bed, his head  
in his hands and massaging his temples.

“Johnny…you coming?”

“Yeah.” John’s voice was strained.

Roy walked over to his partner, concerned. “Johnny, are you alright?”

The paramedic tried to sound reassuring. “I’m fine Roy. I’m just really tired.”

He gingerly got up out of the bed.

“Look, Johnny…if you’re not up to coming over for dinner tomorrow night, I’d  
understand…Joanne would too. You look like you’d be better off spending  
sometime relaxing in bed.”

“No, it’s okay Roy…I’ll be there. I’ll get some rest and be as good as  
new.”

He smiled at Roy and patted him on the back, and said, “Did I ever tell you  
Roy, you worry way too much.” He headed out to the kitchen to join the rest  
of his shift-mates.

“Hi pal. How you doin’?”

Too tired to talk, Johnny gave short answers to the questions that were  
asked of him.

“Fine Cap.”

Hank looked at his young paramedic closely. “You sure? You look  
exhausted.”

“Positive.”

After an hour, B-Shift arrived, and the rest of the guys were changing to go  
home.

Johnny smiled at his partner. “Roy, I’ll see ya at 5:30 tomorrow.”

“Sure thing Johnny. Get some rest, okay?”

"I will." He turned and slowly walked out.

A few minutes later, Mike came up to Roy, and said, “Roy, Cap wants to see  
you in his office.”

“Okay, thanks Mike.”

Roy finished changing and headed to his Captain’s office.

“Cap, you wanted to see me?”

“Yeah. Come on in…have a seat.”

Roy went in and sat down as Hank closed the door behind him.

“Everything okay?” The senior paramedic hesitantly asked.

“Well, that’s what I’d like to know Roy.”

Not sure what his Captain was talking about, Roy asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean between you and John?”

Roy was confused. “Yeah…why?”

“You guys seem a little distant. You two are the strength of this station  
and…”

Quickly stopping his Captain, Roy said, “Whoa Cap, I assure you that  
everything’s okay between us. Johnny’s been tired lately and I guess things  
seem a little awkward because I’m the one who’s doing all the talking…as amazing as that sounds.”

“Is he okay?”

“He says he is. Don’t worry Cap…I’m keeping an eye on him.”

Roy didn’t want to alarm his Captain more, by expressing his own concerns  
about Johnny. He decided to keep them to himself for the time being.

“Anything else?” Roy asked, curious as to whether or not there were other things on his captain’s mind.

“No. Enjoy your days off.”

“Yeah. You too Cap.”

When Johnny arrived home, he got right into bed, and promptly fell  
asleep. Arriving home, Roy missed the kids as they left to catch their bus.

“Hi honey.”

“Hi Jo,” Roy said, kissing his wife.

“Is Johnny coming for dinner tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, he’ll be here.”

“Good, I’m glad. Hungry…I can fix you some breakfast?”

Roy was worn out from the combination of a busy shift and the constant  
worrying about his partner.

“That’s okay Jo, I’m more tired than hungry. I’m going to go take a nap.”

Joanne sensed her husband’s weariness. “Is everything okay…I  
mean, is there something you’re not telling me Roy?”

Roy managed a small smile for his wife, as he replied, “No, everything’s okay.”

**I hope**

############

Johnny had managed to sleep straight through the day and into the night.  
Despite all the sleep he got, he woke up on Saturday morning feeling like he  
had the world’s worst hangover.

Getting out of bed, he dragged himself to the bathroom and into the shower.  
He stood under the showerhead with the water as hot as he could stand it.  
In the middle of shampooing his hair, he was hit by a sudden wave  
of dizziness and nausea. He braced himself against the wall until it  
passed.

Once he was rinsed off and cleaned, he carefully stepped out of the  
shower…he was still feeling a little unsteady on his feet. Grabbing his  
towel he dried off and slowly made his way back to the bedroom. He got  
dressed and combed his hair and after brushing his teeth, he decided to try  
to eat a light breakfast.

It was now 10 in the morning and he decided he’d go out and buy a gift for  
Joanne, and maybe some flowers too. He grabbed his jacket, as he was  
feeling a little chilled, and his keys and headed out the door. Sitting in  
his car, he took a deep breath before putting the key in the ignition. He  
willed himself to keep it together…at least until he came back home from Roy  
and Joanne’s later that evening.

He decided to go to the jewelry store. Joanne, although she liked jewelry,  
never bought herself anything. All the money she and Roy had, was spent on  
the kids and on the house. He’d buy her something nice…kind of a thank you  
to her for making him feel like a part of the family.

Stepping inside the store, he was immediately drawn to a bracelet. The  
bracelet was silver and turquoise and it reminded him of a bracelet his  
mother wore when he was a child. Satisfied with his choice of gift, he paid  
for it and had it gift-wrapped. He walked down the street to the florist  
and got a bouquet of Joanne’s favorite flowers…roses, carnations, and  
daisies.

Arriving home after shopping, he was exhausted. He put the flowers in a  
vase with water and the gift on the kitchen table. Kicking off his shoes,  
he collapsed on the couch and fell asleep.

He was woken up by a knocking on the door, but he was in such a haze, that he  
barely heard it. He debated with himself as to whether or not he should  
answer it but his conscience won out, and as he dragged himself to the door,  
he was greeted by one of his neighbors.

Mrs. Johnson was an elderly widow who lived next door to Johnny. Not having any family close  
by, she adopted Johnny as a grandson.

He tried to give her a smile as he greeted her. “Hello Mrs. Johnson.”

She looked at him closely. “Hello Johnny. Are you okay dear?”

“I’m fine, I guess I dozed off. What time is it?”

“I believe it is almost 4:30. I’m sorry I woke you up…I know how hard you  
work, and you must be exhausted.”

“That’s okay, I should be up anyway. What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to know if you’d like to come over for a home cooked meal this  
evening?”

Johnny smiled at the kindly woman, and replied, “Well, since you’re such a  
great cook, normally I’d say yes, but I have plans tonight. My partner Roy,  
it’s his wife’s birthday and we’re having a dinner for her.”

“How wonderful. I’m sure you’ll have fun. He’s such a nice man.”

“Can I take a rain check?” Johnny asked with a hopeful smile.

Gently touching Johnny on his arm, she said, “Of course Johnny, you tell me  
when.”

“I will.” He again smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek.

“Johnny…please get some rest…and eat…you’re getting much too thin.”

Johnny had to chuckle. He was even getting it from his 75-year old  
neighbor.

“Okay Mrs. Johnson, I will.”

After she left, Johnny got ready to head over to Roy’s. He changed into  
something a little dressier, grabbed the flowers and gift, and headed out.

Arriving at Roy’s house he was greeted warmly by the whole family.

“Hi partner, glad ya made it.” Roy smiled at his friend and shook his hand.

**Yeah, I barely made it** Johnny thought to himself.

Johnny smiled genuinely. “I couldn’t pass up seeing my two best girls.”

He hugged Joanne, and as he handed her the flowers and gift, he wished her “Happy  
Birthday Jo.”

“Johnny, you shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to Jo. You can open up the gift later.”

“Thanks Johnny. The flowers are beautiful…all my favorites.” She kissed  
him on the cheek.

Jennifer waited patiently to see her favorite Uncle.

“Uncle Johnny, I’m glad you came,” she said, as she hugged him.

“Me too Jelly Belly…me too.”

Chris hugged his Uncle and gave him a high-five. “Uncle Johnny, guess  
what?”

“I couldn’t imagine, Chris. What?”

“My friend Pete and I are gonna be on TV. We were picked out of our entire  
school to be interviewed on “The Dave McCarthy Show’.”

“Really…what’s the topic?” Johnny asked interestedly.

“Kids who have parents in public service…Pete’s Dad is a cop. Isn’t that  
cool?”

“Very cool Chris.” Johnny looked over at Roy and grinned. “You know, your  
Dad and I were on TV, once…’The Tom Jensen Show’. We did a fire  
demonstration, and one of the stagehands got electrocuted during the  
broadcast, and we helped him…it was all caught on TV.”

Of course, John left out the details about how they were tanking on the show  
until the guy went down.

Now eating, the conversation was lively. Sitting there, Roy thought to  
himself.

**This is the Johnny I’m more used to…talkative and smiling**

“How is everything Johnny?” Joanne asked.

“Joanne, it’s fabulous. I assume YOU made dinner.”

Roy smiled at his partner, and replied, “You assume wrong Johnny…*I* made  
dinner.”

“You?” Johnny was very surprised.

“Hey…my cooking skills aren’t THAT bad.”

“Roy, how come you don’t cook like this at the station?”

Roy smiled mischievously, as he replied, “Because…then they’ll expect it  
every time.”

After thinking for a moment, Johnny said, “You’re right, they would. Good  
point.”

After dinner was finished, the kids helped Roy clear the table.

As John started to get up, Roy shook his head. “I got this partner, you keep the  
birthday girl company.”

Johnny sat back down. “So, how did you spend your day Jo?”

Joanne smiled, as she recounted her wonderful day. “The kids made me breakfast in bed…Roy set up a bubble bath for me, while he took the kids out for a few hours. When they  
returned we had a leisurely lunch and spent the afternoon looking at some  
old photographs. Wait till you see some of the pictures we found.”

Johnny smiled his classic crooked smile. “Sounds like you had a  
great day.”

“I did. I’m glad you came Johnny, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen you.  
Everything alright with you?”

“Yeah…fine.”

When Roy and the kids returned, they were carrying Joanne’s birthday  
cake…strawberry shortcake. They all sang Happy Birthday and she blew out  
the candles.

She opened up her gifts. Chris gave her a wooden jewelry box that he had  
made in woodshop class, Jennifer made her a ceramic vase and Roy bought her  
a new dress, with the help of Hank’s wife Suzanne.

“Guys, these are beautiful gifts…thank you so much.”

“Mom, you forgot Uncle Johnny’s gift.”

Looking, but not seeing the gift, Joanne said, “I did, didn’t I, Jen?”

Johnny’s mind was somewhere else, he hadn’t even noticed that his gift  
wasn’t at the table. Chris had gone and brought back the missing gift.

After Joanne opened the box, she was flabbergasted. “Johnny, this bracelet  
is so beautiful.”

Johnny regained his focus and smiled. “I’m glad you like it  
Jo. It reminds me of a bracelet my Mom had when I was little. Anyway, I  
thought it was beautiful and would look great around your wrist. Happy  
Birthday!”

After eating cake, the kids went to the den to watch TV while the three  
adults retired to the living room.

“What are your plans for tomorrow Johnny?”

“I don’t know. I was thinking I’d spend some time with my neighbor Mrs.  
Johnson. She wanted to make me dinner tonight, but I told her I had plans. She’s probably lonely. I think her husband died around this time a few years back.”

“Yeah, then you can tell Chet that you spent the day with a great gal.”

The two paramedics laughed.

“That’s very sweet Johnny.”

Johnny sighed, and replied, “Well, it’s like that song says, Everybody Needs  
Somebody Sometime.”

The three friends talked for a while about all sorts of things. Before too  
long, Johnny dropped out of the conversation…this was not lost on either  
Joanne or Roy.

“Johnny, you alright? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine Jo. I guess I’m just getting tired.”

“Want some coffee?”

“No thanks Roy, I’m good.” He looked at his watch. “It’s almost 9:00. I  
better be going.”

The kids came up to say good-bye to Johnny.

“Hope you had a good birthday Jo…you deserve it.”

“I did Johnny. Thank you for the beautiful bracelet,” she commented as she clutched her  
wrist wearing the bracelet. “It means a lot to me…I’ll always treasure it.”  
She kissed him on the cheek.

“Don’t be a stranger Johnny…you’re family, you know.”

Johnny smiled, as he said, “Yeah…I know, and I appreciate being included.  
Well, good night.”

“I’ll walk you out, partner.” 

As they approached Johnny’s Rover, Roy looked at his partner.  
“Make sure you get your rest. I don’t want you getting sick…then I end up  
with Craig Brice.”

“Don’t worry about me Pally, I’ll be fine.” John started to get into his  
car, but turned back to Roy. “Oh, Joanne said something about some  
old pictures.”

Roy smiled and nodded his head. “Yeah, we’ll look at them on another day. Go  
home to bed and I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Okay, sounds good. Roy…thanks for inviting me.”

Back inside, Joanne was clearing the table of the dessert plates when Roy  
came back in.

Looking at Roy, Joanne said, “Poor thing…Johnny looks exhausted Roy. He  
looks like he’s coming down with something.”

“Maybe.” Roy continued to have concerns about Johnny and his health, but so  
as not to worry his wife, he chose not to voice them.

Back home Johnny went straight to bed and fell right to sleep. He slept  
through the whole next day.


	2. Chapter 2

When Monday morning arrived, 51’s A-shift assembled for roll call…minus John Gage.

“Roy, where’s your partner?” a somewhat concerned Hank asked his paramedic.

“I…I don’t know Cap.”

Just then Johnny came walking into the bay area. “Sorry I’m late Cap.”

“Shouldn’t he get latrine duty Cap? I mean, it’s only fair…the rest of us  
showed up on time.”

“Chet…mind your own business!” John’s tone was very serious.

“What’s the matter Gage…get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”

Captain Stanley put an end to it. “How about if you BOTH be quiet. Chet,  
you have latrine duty for two more weeks…courtesy of the Phantom. John, you  
have dish duty.”

They got through roll call without further incident. Everyone was now in  
the midst of doing their chores. Roy and John were checking their  
supplies.

“You wanna tell me what happened, Johnny?”

John looked wearily at his partner. “There’s nothing to tell Roy…I  
overslept.” He then tried to change the subject. “I had a good time on  
Saturday…Joanne really liked the bracelet?”

Roy smiled, he knew exactly what Johnny was trying to do.

“Yeah Junior…she liked the bracelet a lot. Something tells me that she’d  
like anything you gave her. When it comes to my wife and daughter…YOU  
can do no wrong. *I* on the other hand…”

In the middle of checking the supplies, Johnny’s nose started to bleed.

“Damn it.”

**Oh man…not again** Johnny thought to himself.

Roy looked up to see Johnny holding his nose, and blood dripping out.

“Johnny, stay put.” He pushed him down on the squad’s running board and  
rushed to get some tissues. “Here,” said Roy, as he handed Johnny the tissues.

Johnny took the tissues and used them to stop the bleeding.

Roy eyed his partner with concern. “Johnny, does this happen often?”

Looking back at his partner, Johnny shook his head. “No.” He knew he was lying to his best  
friend, but if he had told the truth, Roy would be more worried than he  
already was. “I’m okay Pally, thanks.”

Making sure the bleeding had stopped, Johnny headed to the bathroom to wash  
up.

###########

Wednesday morning soon arrived...it had been a very long shift. When the two  
paramedics weren’t on a run by themselves, they were out on a run with the  
engine. Johnny had barely made it through the shift. For three days, he  
had really been dragging and the other members of the crew were starting to  
get worried.

While changing to go home, Johnny was moving very slowly and appeared to be  
quite pale. The rest of the crew quickly changed and said their  
good-byes…they knew Roy was going to confront his partner about his health, and wanted to give them  
privacy.

“Johnny…how long are you going to keep denying that something is wrong?  
You’re exhausted and pale…you just haven’t been yourself…for quite a few  
weeks now. You have NO idea how worried about you I am.”

Johnny’s face and tone grew serious. “Have I been doing badly on the job?”

“No, but…”

“I’ve been doing my job…just leave it alone.”

“Johnny…”

“Look Roy, I’ll admit that I am tired…but other than that, I’m okay. Don’t  
worry about me, I’m fine.”

“I do worry about you Johnny, you’re my partner and partners look out for  
each other.”

John sighed in exasperation. “Well, THIS partner is going home. I’ll see  
you in a few days.”

Without giving Roy a chance to respond, he walked out. On the drive home,  
Johnny was hit by a severe case of nausea and when he got back to his  
apartment, he ran to the bathroom and vomited. Soon after, the nausea was  
accompanied by the chills and a fever.

He put on a tee shirt, sweats and a heavy sweatshirt and headed to bed,  
shivering. After sleeping for a few hours, he woke up feeling very thirsty.  
Going into the bathroom for a drink of water, Johnny caught a glimpse of  
himself in the mirror…he was startled at the reflection staring back at him.

**Oh man, what’s happening to me**

Reaching into the medicine cabinet, he took out the bottle of Tylenol, took  
out two tablets and swallowed them down with water. He put the thermometer  
in his mouth and sat down on the toilet seat, with the lid down. A few  
minutes later, he took it out and read it.

102.7...Johnny was alarmed at how high his fever was. Going back to the  
sink, he put the thermometer away and splashed some cool water on his face.

Starting to get worried at the severity of his symptoms, he briefly  
considered calling Roy and “fessing up” as to how badly he was really  
feeling. However, as quickly as that thought came to him, it left him. Johnny decided to  
just tough it out for a few more days…then he’d consider talking to Dr.  
Brackett.

Totally spent, Johnny went back to bed and fell asleep. Around 7 PM Roy  
tried to call his partner, but received no answer.

“Maybe he’s sleeping honey…or trying to and doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

Roy was clearly concerned. “I don’t know Jo, I’m really worried about him.  
You saw him when he was here on Saturday and he’s been like that for a few  
weeks.”

Joanne let out a breath. “Roy, I care about him too…but he’s a big  
boy…and a paramedic. If something was seriously wrong, I’m sure he’d be  
smart enough to call for help.”

Roy looked at his wife. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you? You don’t know him  
like I do.”

#########################

Johnny had slept through most of the next two days. His fever went down to  
101, but he was still feeling rotten and couldn’t keep anything down. At 3  
PM on Friday, Johnny was lying in his recliner when the phone rang, but not  
anxious to talk to anyone, he let it ring.

On the tenth ring, he finally picked it up.

“Hello?” he said, expecting it to be Roy.

“Hey Johnny, it's Mike.”

John tried to pull himself together. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Not much. How are you doing?”

“I’m okay.” Johnny wanted this phone call to be over in the worst way.

“Really? You don’t sound so hot.”

“I’m fine Mike. I’m just resting…you know, taking it easy.”

“Johnny, don’t get mad…but we’re awfully concerned about you.”

Johnny tried to swallow his pride. “I know and I appreciate it.  
It’s nice to know that people care about me, but I’m doing okay. No one  
needs to worry about me, Mike.”

“But we do.”

Johnny tried not to lose his composure with the engineer. “Look, I’m a paramedic  
and I think I know how to take care of myself. You can tell that partner of  
mine and everyone else, that I’m doing fine. I’ll see everyone tomorrow.”

“Johnny…”

“I’m tired okay, and I don’t want to argue about this. I’ll see ya in the  
morning.”

He hung up the phone, leaving a stunned Mike Stoker to wonder what was  
really going on with his friend.

Miraculously, Johnny was able to pull himself together enough to go to work  
on Saturday morning. His temperature was down to a manageable 100.2, and  
despite some nausea and a slight headache, he appeared to everyone else to  
be feeling better…everyone else, but Roy.

Johnny arrived early and was at the table reading the newspaper when  
his Captain entered the room.

“Good morning, Cap,” a seemingly chipper Johnny greeted his captain.

“John, good to see you feeling better. We were really getting worried about  
ya, pal.”

“Yeah, well…I’m okay. I’ve been saying that all along.”

When the guys all entered the squad room a half-hour later, they were all  
surprised at how relaxed Johnny appeared to be.

After roll call, the two paramedics were checking their supplies and the  
squad.

Roy eyed his partner suspiciously. “I don’t buy the act Johnny. You can  
fool the others, but not me…I know you WAY too well.”

Johnny played dumb with his partner. “What are you talking  
about?”

“Come on, Johnny…this is ME you’re talking to.”

In the middle of their exchange the alarms sounded, temporarily saving Johnny from this current round of grilling.

“Station 51…MVA, San Diego Freeway, exit 110…San Diego freeway, exit  
110…timeout, 0845.”

Captain Stanley responded, “Station 51 10-4, KMG-365.”

Arriving on scene, the crew surveyed the accident. There were two cars that  
had collided…a blue sedan and a brown sports car. After gathering their equipment, Roy went to the brown sports car, while Johnny went to the blue sedan.

Johnny was able to work his way into the car and as he started to examine  
his victim, she started to come to. He started talking to her in a very calm voice. “Hi there. My name’s Johnny, what’s yours?”

“Angie.” Her voice told of how scared she was.

Johnny flashed her his trademark-crooked grin. “Angie, everything’s going  
to be alright. I want you to try to relax, and take slow breaths. Where do  
you hurt?”

“Kind of all over,” she gasped out.

John continued to ask her questions to ascertain what her injuries were.  
Meanwhile Roy was helping his two victims, a 45-year old male and his female  
passenger.

The woman didn’t appear to have any serious injuries, and was telling Roy  
that she thought her boyfriend had had a seizure of some sort. With the  
help of the rest of the crew, the two paramedics got their victims out of  
the damaged cars, and were examining them.

Roy was on the bio-phone contacting Rampart.

“Rampart, this is Squad 51, how do you read?”

Dr. Brackett’s voice was on the other end. “Go ahead 51.”

“We have three victims of a two-car accident. Victim one is a male, 45  
years of age, may have suffered some sort of seizure at time of accident...he is  
currently unconscious...victim two is a 42 year old female, no injuries  
noted, some abrasions on the face...third victim is female, 22 years of age.  
Stand by for additional information.”

After giving Rampart the additional info, they received their treatment  
orders and were now getting ready for transport.

“Johnny, you’ll go with me?”

John smiled at Angie, and replied, “Sure thing.”

They loaded up the three victims and Johnny climbed in after them. “Meet you at Rampart, Roy.”

As the ambulance left the scene, Roy found himself distractedly thinking  
about Johnny’s mood swings over the last few weeks. His thoughts were  
interrupted by his Captain’s voice.

“Roy, we’re going to head back now. See you later.”

“Yeah. See ya later, Cap.”

Hank started to walk away, but turned around. “Roy…everything okay?”

Roy looked blankly at his Captain, and softly replied. “I don’t know.”

Not elaborating on his statement, the paramedic turned and headed back to  
the squad.

At the hospital, after helping out with Angie, Johnny went to the lounge.  
He was watching a rerun of “The Price is Right” on the TV, when Roy came into the room.  
Seeing the concerned look on his partner’s face, he tried to diffuse  
the uneasiness by commenting on the game show he was watching.

“Some of these people don’t have a clue, Roy. Two thousand dollars for a set  
of dishes?” He punctuated the remark with a laugh.

Roy turned off the TV and stood facing his partner. “Johnny, we have to  
talk...NOW.”

John somehow knew that he was ‘found out’, but he wasn’t ready to go there,  
yet.

Johnny spoke softly when he answered. “Roy, there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Johnny, you’ve been avoiding this topic for weeks.”

Pleading with his best friend, Johnny added, “Roy, just give me a few days.”

“Then what?” the senior medic asked...the question hanging in the air.

However, when Roy saw the look on his partner’s face…a pleading look that told him not to  
push, Roy let out a breath. "Okay Johnny, you win."

Throughout the day Roy and John were kept busy with multiple runs. Johnny  
remained mostly quiet, and although that only made Roy’s worry increase, he  
didn’t bring up the one subject he wanted to talk about…Johnny’s health.

The guys had finished supper, and while Marco was doing the dishes, everyone  
else was watching TV.

Chet tried to break the ice with Johnny, who wasn’t exactly being the most sociable. “Hey Gage, you remember that sweet little thing…Heather? You know, the chick you dated last year.”

Johnny wasn’t in the mood, but played along. “Yeah, what about  
her?”

“She’s getting married. I think he’s a football player for the Rams.” Chet  
let out a laugh. “He broke his arm playing a game of pick-up basketball.  
Anyway, he goes to Rampart and who’s the nurse that takes care of him?  
Heather.”

“What’s the guy’s name, you twit?” Hank asked, wondering who the football player was that Chet was referring to.

“Oh…Sam…Sam…Sampson…Pete Sampson.”

Again the alarms went off, sending the squad on a call.

“Squad 51, possible overdose…2115 Ashford Drive…Sunrise Apartments…Apt.  
7A…2-1-1-5 Ashford Drive…Sunrise Apartments…Apt. 7A…Timeout 19:25.”

As Captain Stanley responded on the mic, Roy and John took their places in  
the squad.

Arriving on scene at the apartment complex, they were met by Vince.

“The girl’s sister thinks she tried to kill herself. She’s pretty scared.”

The paramedics got their equipment and hurriedly followed Vince into the apartment.

“It’s my sister Stephanie…she’s not moving. You gotta help her,” the young girl pleaded.

Roy tried to reassure the girl. “We will. What’s your name?”

“Denise.”

“How old is your sister?"

“Twenty-two. She’s been really depressed lately. I…I tried to get her  
to talk to someone, but…but she wouldn’t.”

Upon reaching their victim, she was indeed unconscious, lying on her bed.

As Roy started to take the girl’s vitals, Johnny looked down on the floor  
and saw an empty unmarked bottle of pills, and an empty bottle of vodka.

Johnny held up the empty bottles for his partner to see.

“Roy.” Johnny turned to the girl’s sister. “Is she on any medication?”

The girl shook her head, and replied, “No. I…I…have no idea what pills she  
took. Is she going to be okay?”

Johnny looked at the girl before softly answering. “Your sister’s very sick.”

Roy contacted Rampart about their victim and received their treatment  
orders while Johnny started the IV. 

“Where are your parents, Denise?” Roy asked, trying to gain some more information.

“They live in Pennsylvania...I already called them. Can…can I go to the  
hospital with her?”

“Sure. You can ride up front.”

Vince met the ambulance attendants outside and led them back to the  
apartment. Loading the victim into the ambulance, Roy rode with her.

At the hospital, Roy was talking to Dixie after helping out in the treatment  
room.

“So, how’s Johnny?” Dixie asked nonchalantly, but yet with concern.

“What do you mean?”

“He…he just doesn’t seem right lately…you know, like that spark of his isn’t  
there. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed, Roy…you guys are always together.”

“I have Dix, but every time I ask him if he’s alright, he says that he’s  
fine, and that I’m being a worrywart…then we get into an argument about  
it. In fact, it almost came to a head this morning.”

“What happened Roy?”

Before Roy could answer, Johnny walked into the ER.

“Hey partner.”

“Hey. How’s the girl?”

“She’s not doing too well. They’re still working on her.”

Johnny’s face grew serious, as he asked, “What makes people do that to  
themselves?”

Of course, he had firsthand knowledge of suicide. His older brother Gavin  
hung himself after their parents’ death in a car accident…that was almost  
twenty years ago.

Dixie looked sympathetically at Johnny. “I don’t know, Johnny. I  
guess they’re so unhappy, they’d do anything to take away their pain and  
misery.”

Roy looked over at his partner. “Ready to go Junior?”

Johnny nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, let’s go Roy.”

**You didn’t call me Pally…what’s wrong with you Johnny**

“See you guys later.” Dixie smiled at the two paramedics.

“Bye Dix.” Roy answered and gave her a look that said ‘I’m really  
concerned and I don’t know what to do.’

On the way back to the station, Johnny remained very quiet. Roy tried to perk  
up his partner by picking up the conversation where Chet had left off.

“So, how long did you and Heather date for, Johnny?”

“Huh?” Johnny replied, not really paying attention to what Roy was saying.

“Heather…the girl that Chet was talking about before…how long did you two date?”

“Oh, I don’t know…a few dates. She told me that she couldn’t handle the  
stress of dating a firefighter…all the worry and all.” Johnny laughed softly. “At  
least…at least she was honest with me.”

#################  
The next day, after a morning run, Johnny decided to have a little chat with  
Dr. Brackett. He wanted to do this before Roy came back to the hospital  
looking for him.

“Doc, you have a few minutes?” asked Johnny, making sure that no one was around to see him talking to the doctor.

“Sure Johnny. What’s on your mind?”

“Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you in your office.”

“Okay,” replied the doctor a little uneasily.

Dr. Brackett led John to his office and closed the door. He signaled for  
the paramedic to sit down, then he sat down on the edge of his big oak desk, facing him.

“Alright Johnny…you have my undivided attention. What can I do for you?”

Johnny was having a hard time saying what he wanted to. He had been in  
denial about being sick for so long, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit  
it yet, but he knew he needed to.

“Doc I…I…I’ve been feeling kinda lousy these last few weeks. I’d like to  
get myself checked out…but not here at the hospital. I’d like to keep it  
private, if you don’t mind.”

Dr. Brackett was immediately concerned. “What kind of symptoms are you  
having, Johnny?”

Johnny told him all about the headaches and nausea, the vomiting, the  
tiredness, dizziness, and the nosebleeds.

“I guess I’m getting a little nervous…not to mention my partner is too.”

Brackett let out an exhale of air. “When do you go off shift?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“I have a friend who can probably see you as soon as you get off duty. Dr.  
Peters, he’s a good friend of mine. I’ll give him a call…check in with me  
later, Johnny.”

“Thanks Doc.”

Dr. Brackett noticed the stress and exhaustion that were clearly etched on Johnny's face...a  
sure sign of how much this must have been bothering the paramedic.

"I won't say anything Johnny."

Johnny nodded his head. "Thanks." The paramedic got up, but quickly turned around.

"Oh, by the way…how's that girl that we brought in last night?"

Brackett shook his head, and replied sadly, "Not good Johnny. She's in a coma."

Nodding his head, Johnny left Brackett's office without saying anything else,  
hoping his partner wasn't around and no one noticed him coming out of the  
doctor's office. Dr. Brackett made the call and set the appointment for his young friend.

When Johnny made his way back to Dixie's desk, Roy was nowhere to be seen.

Softly speaking, Johnny asked, "Dix, you seen Roy?"

"No Johnny, I haven't." Dixie paused for a moment before continuing.  
"Johnny…is everything okay with you?"

Johnny was taken aback by the nurse’s question.

"Uh…yeah. Why?"

Dixie shook her head before looking worriedly at the paramedic. "Truthfully, you haven't been yourself. I haven't seen that old Gage charm for a while now."

John shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Business has been  
pretty busy lately, I guess I'm just tired."

Dixie had her thoughts that there was more to it than that, but did not  
voice them. Roy had finally arrived.

"Miss me partner?" Roy asked with a smile.

Johnny returned the smile. "What do YOU think? I've had Dixie  
keeping me company. Who else’s company would be better?” 

Dixie smiled at John's answer. Curious, Dixie asked Roy why he was delayed.

"It was kind of strange, for some reason there was a lot of traffic. I hope  
it clears up if we DO have an emergency."

"Well, you're here now Roy. What do ya say, we head back? I’m sure Captain Stanley has some chores waiting for us.”

"Sounds good, Junior. See you later, Dix."

"Bye guys."

As the paramedics left, Dixie's eyes stayed on Johnny.

**I hope you're okay Johnny**

Once in the squad Johnny was quiet again.

"Penny for your thoughts partner."

Johnny let out a little chuckle before he answered.

"Only a penny? I asked Brackett about that girl we brought in last  
night...he said she's in a coma."

There was silence for a couple minutes, then Johnny hesitantly asked,  
"Roy…you ever thought…well, thought about…suicide?"

This line of questioning threw Roy for a loop. He looked at his partner  
questioningly.

"No. Have you Johnny?"

"Nope. It's a pretty selfish thing to do, if you ask me."

Roy sensed that there was more to this conversation than Johnny was letting  
on, but he didn't want to pry. After a few minutes of silence, Roy looked  
over at his partner…it had been the most tired that he'd seen Johnny in  
awhile. He was about to say something, but changed his mind.

Returning to the station, they were met by Mike and Marco.

"Thank God you're here."

Roy looked at Marco, concerned that something serious had happened.

"What's wrong, Marco?"

Mike jumped in. "It's Chet...he's driving us crazy. I think this  
is the most obnoxious he's been in a while."

Shades of the old Johnny came out. "Oh yeah…how can you tell?"

"What's he doing?" Roy was curious.

Marco rolled his eyes. "He apparently got a delivery this  
morning...a book that he was waiting for."

Johnny let out a slight laugh. "Yeah, 1001 ways to be a jerk. Where is he  
now?"

"He's on his bed, reading his book," Mike replied.

Walking out of the vehicle bay and into the dorm, Johnny saw  
that Chet was right where Mike said he was. He thought about starting in  
on Kelly…but he just didn't have the energy for it. Turning around, Johnny  
headed back to the squad room.

When Johnny came into the room, Marco asked, "Are you going to do  
something Johnny?"

John looked at Marco and shrugged his shoulders. "Nah, he's not bothering anyone."

Marco was exasperated. "Now he's not. You should have seen him a little  
while ago…you can't let him get away with it."

Johnny was rather annoyed and his voice was tinged with a small amount of  
anger when he responded.

"Why is this on me? I wasn't here…you two were." With that, Johnny turned his back on his friends, and wearily plopped down onto the couch.

Mike sensed Johnny's annoyance, but didn't know why he was so upset.

"What's that about Roy? Normally, he would have been all over Chet."

Roy looked at his two friends sadly. "These aren't normal times." The senior paramedic went over to his friend who was seemingly deep in thought. 

"Johnny, you alright?" 

"I'm sorry I snapped out there. I…I...just can't stop thinking about that  
girl in the coma."

"Are you sure that's ALL that's on your mind, Johnny?" Roy asked doubtfully.

In the middle of their exchange, the phone rang and Captain Stanley answered  
it in his office.

Before Johnny could reply to Roy's question, they were interrupted by Captain  
Stanley coming over to them.

"John, you have a phone call. You can take it in my office.”

Johnny's brown eyes met his Captain's as he hesitantly got up off the couch. "Thanks Cap."

Once he stepped inside the office, he closed the door and sat down at his  
Captain's desk, almost afraid to pick up the phone.

"John Gage here." He was momentarily startled when he heard Dr. Brackett's  
voice on the other end.

"Johnny, I'm glad I caught you. I called my friend, Dr. Peters, and he said  
for you to come over as soon as you get off shift in the morning."

Johnny was speechless, he felt like now that he admitted that he was  
sick…things were happening too fast.

"Uh...yeah…thanks Doc. I'll…I'll be there. What's the address?"

"1224 Western Boulevard. Go into the building's lobby, they'll tell you what  
floor to go to."

"Thanks Doc."

"Johnny…”

Before Brackett could finish his sentence, Johnny cut him off. "I  
gotta go, Doc…bye."

He hung up the phone without giving the doctor a chance to say anything  
else.

Johnny sat at the desk for a few minutes longer to gather his thoughts…he  
knew that Captain Stanley knew who was on the phone for him...he wondered  
what to tell Roy when he asked about the phone call. He also knew it would  
be hard to lie without tipping off his Captain's suspicions.

He decided to call Rampart and ask about the girl in the coma...that way  
he'd have an out. After speaking to one of the nurses, he found out that the  
girl had taken a turn for the worse and was not expected to make it. This  
bit of news upset Johnny terribly, it only made him think of his deceased  
brother and his own mortality. From that point on, Johnny became extremely  
quiet and had a real sense of sadness about him.

Going back out to the squad room, the rest of his shift-mates noticed the change  
in his demeanor. Roy was immediately concerned.

"Johnny…who was on the phone?"

Johnny spoke very quietly. "Uh...it was Brackett...that girl…she's…she's not  
expected to make it…she...she took a turn for the worse."

Roy felt badly, after all, the girl was only twenty-two years old. But, he  
wasn't sure why his partner was taking the news as badly as he had. For the  
time being he chose not to say anything. It was at this point that Chet  
chose to come out to try some more of his new material. He was about to toss  
out a few barbs directed at his favorite pigeon, but was smart enough not to  
when he caught the pained look on Johnny's face.

"What happened?" a worried Chet asked no one in particular.

Captain Stanley spoke up. "The overdose victim from last night isn't  
expected to pull through. Johnny just got the call."

It was times like this that Chet showed his true colors. "I'm really sorry  
guys. I know how tough it is for you when you get news like that."

Roy smiled at Chet in appreciation. Johnny said nothing but walked away, he  
wanted to be left alone. He felt like his life was spinning out of  
control...and he was the only one to blame. He went to the dorm to be by  
himself.

No one else quite knew what to say. Captain Stanley looked at his remaining  
men, as he spoke.

"I guess I'll start lunch. I'm making my clam chowder. If there's any left  
Roy, why don't you drop some off to Dr. Early."

Roy smiled at his Captain's suggestion. "Good idea, Cap."

It was Hank's clam chowder that helped Dr. Early in his recuperation after  
having heart surgery a few years before. Ever since then, whenever Hank made  
the chowder, the paramedics dropped some off at the hospital for him.

As Hank prepared lunch, the four men, minus Johnny decided to play cards to  
determine dish duty...Mike lost.

"Hey Stoker...make sure those dishes sparkle like Big Red."

Mike glared at Chet, as he said, "To take a page from Johnny's book, go play  
in the freeway, Chet.“

Chet put a hand on his chest like he was wounded. "Oww, that  
hurt Mike."

The other three firefighters rolled their eyes. Before too long, Hank was  
done preparing his chowder and called his men to the table for lunch.

"Someone want to get John?"

Without question, they all knew that Roy would be the one to go. He quietly  
walked into the dorm and saw that Johnny was sitting on his bed writing. It was a  
letter…one that he would end up rewriting several times over the next few  
months.

"Johnny...it's lunch time, Cap made his chowder. You coming?"

John looked up at his partner and shook his head before quietly responding.  
"No. I'm not very hungry. Tell Chet he can have my bowl."

Roy knew enough that when his best friend was in this mood, to leave him  
alone.

When Roy got back to the kitchen, four pairs of eyes looked expectantly at  
him.

"Is he coming Roy?"

"No. He said he wasn't hungry, Cap."

"What's he doing?" Chet asked.

Chet was getting almost as concerned as Roy was.

"He looked like he was writing something." Trying to lighten the mood a  
little, he added, "He said to give Chet his serving of chowder."

Chet looked at Roy, and shook his head. "Give it to Dr. Early."

The meal was eaten in relative quiet...each man lost in his own thoughts.  
After lunch, Mike got started on the dishes, Marco offered to help  
him...Stoker accepted. Chet was lost without having Johnny around to trade  
barbs with. He started to go to the dorm, but was stopped by Roy.

Roy shook his head. "Just leave him alone Chet...he's not in the mood."

"I wasn't going to do anything."

"Well, maybe not, but he's better off being by himself right now...trust  
me."

Chet was disappointed, but backed off.

The afternoon and early evening were very quiet. Captain Stanley stayed  
mostly in his office catching up on paperwork, while Chet, Marco, and Mike  
went out back to play H-O-R-S-E with the basketball. Johnny continued to  
stay in the dorm after passing on supper as well, and Roy, concerned about  
his partner's physical and mental well-being, stayed inside to watch  
TV...and to keep an eye on his friend.

After going to bed, it had been a busy night...a heart attack, two MVA’s,  
and a house fire had kept the guys hopping. It wasn’t until 4 AM did they  
all get back into bed. As the wake up alarms sounded, the weary men slowly  
rolled out of bed and put on their turnouts.

As Roy sat up in his bed, he looked over at Johnny’s bunk and noticed his  
partner wasn’t there. When they all made it to the kitchen, they found  
Johnny sitting at the table drinking a glass of water. Roy studied his best  
friend for a moment…there was a sense of melancholy about him. This latest  
observation really worried Roy.

The others were surprised to see him already up.

“Hey Gage…the least you could have done was to…”

Before Chet could finish his sentence, he saw Roy’s hand go up and a look  
that told him to shut up.

“Hey Johnny.”

“Hi Roy,” the junior paramedic wearily replied.

“You’re up early, partner.”

“Yeah, well…I couldn’t sleep.” Johnny’s voice reflected Roy’s observed  
sense of sadness in his partner.

“Coffee’s on Cap.”

Looking over at the firefighter, Hank smiled appreciatively. “Thanks Marco.”

After the coffee was done brewing, Marco poured everyone a cup of coffee.

“Johnny?”

Johnny looked at Marco and shook his head. “No thanks.”

“Gage not drinking coffee…what’s the world coming to?”

It was at that point that Roy realized that he hadn’t seen Johnny drinking  
much coffee in the last few weeks. A few thoughts crossed his mind, but he  
didn’t want to think about them.

When the clock read 8AM, and B-Shift had fully arrived, Captain Stanley released his shift from duty. They went to the locker room to change to go home.

“Breakfast, Junior?”

Roy was hopeful that his partner would agree to go out with him. This  
so-called funk that Johnny was in, was really starting to scare him.

“Sorry Roy, maybe next time…I got some stuff to do.” He smiled weakly at  
his partner. “I’ll call ya later, okay Roy?”

“Yeah sure.”

Johnny closed his locker and left without saying anything else.

“You okay, Roy? You look…upset.”

“I’m worried about Johnny, Marco…he…he just hasn’t been right. I’ll see you  
guys later.”

Roy left and went home, leaving the others to talk amongst themselves.

“You guys don’t think anything really serious is going on, do you?”

The normally quiet Engineer spoke up. “Chet, when was the last  
time you saw Johnny THIS quiet…or Roy this upset?”

Chet thought for a moment. “I don’t know…it’s been a long, long time.”

“Don’t ask me why, but I have a hunch that we’ll have some answers soon,”  
Marco replied.

The three firefighters briefly looked at one another and continued to get  
ready to go home.

##########################

Johnny sat nervously, waiting for his name to be called.

“Mr. Gage, you can go in now.”

Johnny got up and followed the nurse into the exam room. Upon entering the  
small room, he was handed a gown.

“Please put this on, and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Before leaving the room, the nurse looked back at Johnny and smiled.

Johnny slowly undressed and put on the gown. Looking out the window, he  
noticed that it had started to rain…matching his mood and the way he was  
feeling…gloomy. He turned around at the sound of the door opening.

The same nurse walked in…she looked to be in her mid-thirties. She had brown  
hair and blue eyes. Johnny thought she was quite pretty, and if the  
circumstances were very different, he probably would have tried to ask her out.  
She motioned for him to sit on the exam table.

“So Mr. Gage…what brings you here today?”

“Please, it’s John…or Johnny.”

Johnny paused for a moment and then continued. “I…I’ve just been feeling  
kinda lousy the last few weeks. Headaches, dizziness, nausea, some vomiting…I’ve had a  
few nosebleeds, too…and I’ve been kinda weak and really tired. But for me, the worst  
part is that...I’ve had trouble focusing.”

The nurse smiled at him reassuringly, as she asked, “What is it that you do  
Johnny?”

“I’m a firefighter/paramedic. It’s…it’s not good for me to be losing my  
focus…I NEED my concentration.”

As she proceeded to weigh him, take his vitals and temperature, she said,  
“Okay, well just try to relax. 101.4. How long have you had a fever?”

“I don’t know…off and on for a few weeks.” Johnny was getting very nervous.

The nurse smiled at him again, and touched his arm. “The doctor  
will be in shortly.”

As she left the room, Johnny was left with his thoughts. His anxiety  
level grew with each passing minute as he sat on the exam table looking down at  
the floor.

“John.”

As Dr. Peters walked in, Johnny quickly observed him. He was about 6”2 with  
brown hair and had what Johnny would describe as a very kind face. He  
looked to be about 42. The doctor extended his hand…Johnny took it.

“Dr. Brackett told me you’d be here today. I can understand you not wanting  
to get checked out at Rampart.”

Johnny smiled weakly at the doctor. “I appreciate you seeing me. I…yeah,  
I…I wanted some privacy. At Rampart, everyone knows everyone’s business.”

The doctor smiled knowingly. “I get the picture.” He read Johnny’s chart  
and looked up.

Johnny looked back at the doctor worriedly. “It’s not good, is it?”

“John, let’s not go jumping to conclusions. Let’s run some tests first.”  
He listened to Johnny’s heart and lungs, asking him to take several deep  
breaths. “Your lung sounds are a little diminished.” Next he palpated  
Johnny’s abdomen and felt his neck and glands.

“How much do you normally weigh?”

John shrugged his shoulders, and replied, “Around 175 lbs.”

He took a deep breath and exhaled…he knew he was down about ten pounds.

“I’ll be right back. We’ll start with some blood work.” He touched Johnny  
on the shoulder and walked out of the room.

Two minutes later, he returned with the same nurse.

She smiled at him. “This won’t take long.”

Johnny let out a chuckle. “You might think it’s silly, but I’m not a  
big fan of needles…and I know, I’m a paramedic.”

“I’ll be gentle.” She swabbed down his arm and inserted the needle to draw the necessary vials of  
blood. “Okay, all done.” She left to get the blood samples ready for the  
lab.

“I’d like to run some more tests…a CT -Scan and some x-rays. What’s your  
schedule like?”

“I’m off tomorrow.”

“We have the equipment downstairs so I’ll set up the appointment for you.  
How’s 9 AM tomorrow?”

Johnny softly answered. "That's fine."

“John, we’ll get to the bottom of this. I’ll see you in the morning, Suite  
412.” He looked at Johnny sympathetically. “Try to get some rest, okay?”  
He patted Johnny on the shoulder and left.

Johnny got dressed and headed home in the pouring rain. As he was driving, and  
the rain was rolling down the windshield, tears were doing the same down his  
cheeks. After pulling into his parking space at his apartment complex, he  
continued to sit in his Rover, his head and arms resting on the steering  
wheel…the tears still falling gently down his cheeks.

After sitting in his car for ten minutes, he grabbed his duffel bag and made  
his way to his apartment. Once inside, he dropped his bag on the floor and  
went into the bathroom, where he drank a cup of water, then undressed to take a shower.

An hour later, he was in his recliner curled up under a blanket and watching  
TV. He had been sleeping soundly when he was hit suddenly by an  
overwhelming urge to vomit. He ran to the bathroom and just made it there  
in time…kneeling down and his head hanging over the bowl. After  
getting it out of his system, he rinsed out his mouth and went to lay down in  
his bed.


End file.
